At the risk of rendering myself unattractive to Nikki (it’s a fragile thing already, like I need to rock the boat (aha! a pun within an aside, my powers grow…)) I give you this sure-fire hit: The Virtual Air Guitar. For those of you that know Nikki, my good wife is not a fan of the air guitar. You could say she hates it. Intensely. So I’m taking a big risk by even bringing it up here, I hope you all appreciate it.

Anyway, on to the blather. What you do is put on some faggy orange gloves that are absolutely certain to cement your un-attractiveness to the opposite sex and wail on your virtual ax to your heart’s content. The image recognition system will attempt to translate your pathetic wimpy motions into talent (now possible thanks to faster and more powerful computers) and a blazin’ solo will emerge from the speakers. Suck on that, Yngwe Malmsteen!

Surprisingly, I have covered the professional world of air guitar before, if you recall The World Air Guitar Championships. I wonder what the AGWC officials will make of this new technology? Will they sanction it’s use as a training tool? Maybe go so far as to have a new event, or separate the athletes into two streams; Technically Augmented, and All Natural? Really, there’s more to the Virtual instrument, since you are “making music” instead of just swinging your thin pasty noodles in time to someone else’s CD. It’s a subtle nuance that will take some time for it’s full effect to be felt on the world of air guitar.

Rest assured, dear readers, that I will be here to guide you through this wonderful journey as it unfolds before us. What a wonderful time to be alive.