I can’t say that I know how terrorists operate. Maybe an amputee terrorist would, in fact, store a bomb in his artificial leg. Actually, it seems like an obvious method of transportation; it’s a nicely cushioned cavity. But, for whatever reason, prosthetic limbs can be a delicate subject so a terrorist might go undetected because some sensitive security officer didn’t want to be rude and ask, “What’s in the leg?” Jason has rarely encountered such individuals. He has mostly come up against merciless security officers who appear to get a great deal of satisfaction from the tiny slice of power their job affords them.

I had a pretty good laugh imagining Goldberg, with his Bin Laden t-shirt and little in the way of identification, being waved through without much suspicion at all. Especially after witnessing Jason being pulled aside, bullied verbally, and searched extensively. During one particular trip home to Ottawa the kids and I made it through security without incident. As expected, the alarm went off when Jason walked through. Within seconds a troop of armed security guards descended upon Jason’s leg: One was tapping up and down and all around; another had his ear pressed against the foot; a third asked Jason to unbutton his pants (what the f&*k?!). This went on for several minutes before a senior officer arrived on the scene and determined that the potential terrorist was merely a Stephen Colbert look-a-like and not a national threat. Anna loves to tell the story. She gleefully reports that “this one guy kept grabbing his bum and they said they had to confirm that there has been an amputation. He should just say ‘my leg is missing, what more proof do you need’?” Anna. Such a no-nonsense gal. She will never work at an airport.