Category Archives: Stupidity

This might not offer Ali

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This might not offer Ali anything in the way of solace, but it is interesting.

Here’s something to make you gaze in wonder a little more at the depths of decay in advertising, and the interesting things that people will believe if told properly.

In case you haven’t caught it yet, Kentucky Fried Chicken is running a new set of ads that promote how healthy fried chicken is for you. They do this with a completely straight face, and the tag line includes some facts about fat content, or some other number to make it sound official. Slate has a nice piece on this one.

I find it surprising that they would choose to go this route in the wake of the “I’m suing the fast food restaurants for making me a huge slobbery fat person” stuff. I already talked about that once, and won’t rehash it for you here.

Now picture the type of person they are targeting here. It’s got to be someone that loves fried chicken. Well who wouldn’t? I have eaten the stuff myself, many times. I usually regret it, but it can be tasty. It’s also someone that is at least aware of healthy eating as a concept. Again, it’s hard to find someone that couldn’t tell what an acceptable healthy choice for food would be, we are pummelled with it daily in adverstising format. Still, these ads are looking for the type of person that still somehow is willing to believe that fried chicken is healthier than a hamburger. In fact, we are told that it can be part of a healthy lifestyle. If it’s part of a healthy lifestyle, an all-fried-chicken diet must be part of an even healthier lifestyle, right?

Yep, that’s how you sell fried chicken.

In the news today, an

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In the news today, an important scientific discovery. This is definitely something that makes me proud to be Canadian, and even more certain that we need to give our Universities more money. In case you didn’t click the link, here’s the first line of the article.

“Biologists have linked a mysterious, underwater farting sound to bubbles coming out of a herring’s anus.”

Yep, you better believe it. (Rocket) Scientists at the University of British Columbia have spent some time on this one, kids. Other points of interest: The Herrings only fart after dark, they seem to communicate this way, and the noise apparently answers the vexing question as to how the schools of herring stay together after dark. Also, the article states with a completely deadpan tone; “It was at this point that the team named the noise Fast Repetitive Tick (FRT).” Um, yeah.

There is even a link to a wav file so you too can experience the majestic sound of a herring breaking wind in the cold dark waters of the North Sea. It gives you goosebumps, doesn’t it?

I can just imagine the nature shows picking up on this one, Crocodile Hunter style.

“Alright, here we are in the North Sea, it’s 9pm and we are stealthily approaching a large school of herring from behind in our submarine. If we are lucky these little blokes will start ripping them off like crazy and we will be in for a jolly good show. I’ve never seen such an array of fish butts in my whole life. It’s mesmerizing, watching them. Crikey! There they go! I’ve never seen anything like it, it’s like being in a jacuzzi. We’re being knocked about in our little submarine, but we should be alright. It’s truly one of nature’s wonders.”

Ok, that was a little over the top, but this is a fairly strange one, wouldn’t you agree?

Ok, so I hope I

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Ok, so I hope I don’t start just looking for the stupidest people alive to talk about here, but here’s a story about a woman who couldn’t manage to open a 2L pop bottle without the cap hitting her in the eye and causing some permanent damage. Of course she’s not that stupid because she’s suing Coke over it.

Quote: “In the suit, Douglas claimed the company failed to warn consumers of the serious risk in ordinary handling of a pop bottle. The company failed to do its research and testing so carbonated drinks wouldn’t cause harm to its customers, said the suit.”

You know she may have a point. Those things can be dangerous.

Here’s some other lawsuits to watch for:
“I pounded the Q-Tip into my ear with a ball peen hammer and it caused me irreparable hearing loss and brain damage, despite the manufacturer’s claims that it has 30% more cotton on the tip. Give me $100 million.”
“I shredded the tip of my finger off with my food processor when I attempted to push a pea into the hopper with my bare hand. Shredded peas are an important part of my Shaolin Monk diet, give me $50 million.”

When will our environment more efficiently cull the herd? It’s only a matter of time before people become stupid enough to take themselves out in even greater numbers than ever before. Right?

As a quick aside, this

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As a quick aside, this is still percolating along, although I heard about it quite a while ago. Some guy is suing most of the major fast food chains because they didn’t tell him their food is fattening.

I mean come on.

Best quotes from the article though : “To win his suit he has to convince a jury or a judge that people are too stupid to feed themselves or their children. If people are so stupid, should they be allowed to vote or go to work in the morning?” I think this has merit, in some cases. You do have to wonder about some folks sometimes.

Also: “Another class action law suit claims that the makers of the corn and rice puff snack food “Pirates’ Booty” under-represented its fat content by more than 340 percent.”

Well, let’s see, hmm. This bag of salted, crunchy, oral fixation pleasers is not as good for me as a shovel-full of barley? Somebody call the cops! Do you really need to be told that anything that comes from a greasy plastic bag isn’t exactly good for you?

Ahh, god bless America.