{"id":1059,"date":"2008-02-13T09:44:36","date_gmt":"2008-02-13T14:44:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2008\/02\/13\/limerickdb\/"},"modified":"2008-02-13T09:44:36","modified_gmt":"2008-02-13T14:44:36","slug":"limerickdb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2008\/02\/13\/limerickdb\/","title":{"rendered":"LimerickDB"},"content":{"rendered":"

For a definite time-sink try this site<\/a> out. Users submit their own limericks and others can vote on them. It’s like a social network for dirty limericks. Actually there are lots there that aren’t dirty, but nerdy and wordy (it’s hard not to be a little warped after reading 30 or 40 limericks in a row). The list of the top 150 are the clear winners for sure. I definitely had a hard time finding some that were clean enough to post here, but most are very funny.\u00c2\u00a0 Ok, so a few of these technically come very very very close to breaking the blog’s G rating.\u00c2\u00a0 Forgive me, they were too good not to share.<\/p>\n

Some (relatively) clean favourites from my first scan:<\/p>\n

There once was a pirate from Yates,
\nWho could dance the Fandango on Skates.
\nHe fell on his cutlass,
\nWhich rendered him nut-less,
\nAnd perfectly useless on dates.<\/p>\n

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam
\ncomplacently stroking his madam
\nand great was his mirth
\nfor on all of the earth
\nthere were only two balls, and he had ’em<\/p>\n

If you catch a Chinchilla in Chile
\nAnd cut off its beard, willy-nilly
\nYou can honestly say
\nThat you have just made
\nA Chilean Chinchilla’s chin chilly<\/p>\n

The limerick’s structure somewhat
\nnecessitates *eloquent* smut.
\nIf you haven’t the time
\nto learn meter and rhyme,
\nthen don’t write them, you ignorant slut.<\/p>\n

There once was a vampire named Mable,
\nwhose periods were really quite stable.
\nAnd every full moon,
\nshe’d get out a spoon
\nand drink herself under the table.<\/p>\n

A girl who was no good at tennis
\nbut at swimming was really a menace
\ntook pains to explain
\n“It depends how you train.
\nI was once a streetwalker in Venice.”<\/p>\n

A mellifluous spinster named Doris
\nhad a magical singing clitoris
\nit would hum with the verse
\nwhen allowed to rehearse
\nbut become extra loud at the chorus<\/p>\n

A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
\npicked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
\nHe took a big bite
\nbefore spitting, in fright,
\n“OMG, WTF, BBQ!”<\/p>\n

When antennas make marriage selections,
\nTo those whom they hold with affection,
\nThe ceremonies,
\nAre boring to see,
\nBut you wouldn’t believe the receptions.<\/p>\n

Nice!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For a definite time-sink try this site out. Users submit their own limericks and others can vote on them. It’s like a social network for dirty limericks. Actually there are lots there that aren’t dirty, but nerdy and wordy (it’s … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1059","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/piGNU-h5","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1059","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1059"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1059\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1059"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1059"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1059"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}