{"id":1336,"date":"2008-11-06T08:00:35","date_gmt":"2008-11-06T12:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/?p=1336"},"modified":"2008-11-05T17:31:12","modified_gmt":"2008-11-05T21:31:12","slug":"missing-teeth-assault-and-battery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2008\/11\/06\/missing-teeth-assault-and-battery\/","title":{"rendered":"Missing Teeth? Assault and Battery"},"content":{"rendered":"

Not that I would want to perpetuate any stereotypes, but it seems that this whole story started in a mobile home<\/a>. \u00c2\u00a0Here are the Cole’s notes.<\/p>\n

She asked him where her teeth were, he said he didn’t know. \u00c2\u00a0She didn’t believe him.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

He body slams her onto the floor. \u00c2\u00a0She grabs kitchen knife. \u00c2\u00a0Chases him outside. He sneaks back inside. \u00c2\u00a0She stabs the knife through the bathroom door, doing her best Jack Nicholson from The Shining, and insists that she will kill him if he doesn’t tell her where the teeth are.<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Police arrive, arrest both of them, find teeth behind the TV stand, beside the remote they probably fought about yesterday.<\/p>\n

They are both in jail now.<\/p>\n

\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

The End.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not that I would want to perpetuate any stereotypes, but it seems that this whole story started in a mobile home. \u00c2\u00a0Here are the Cole’s notes. She asked him where her teeth were, he said he didn’t know. \u00c2\u00a0She didn’t … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1336","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news","category-stupidity"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/piGNU-ly","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1336","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1336"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1336\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1337,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1336\/revisions\/1337"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1336"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1336"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1336"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}