{"id":1728,"date":"2009-05-26T11:43:42","date_gmt":"2009-05-26T15:43:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/?p=1728"},"modified":"2009-05-26T11:43:42","modified_gmt":"2009-05-26T15:43:42","slug":"mr-bud-light-head-stages-daring-daylight-robbery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2009\/05\/26\/mr-bud-light-head-stages-daring-daylight-robbery\/","title":{"rendered":"Mr. Bud Light Head Stages Daring Daylight Robbery"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A new menace has arisen, only God knows where he will strike next (but probably at the next IHOP).\u00c2\u00a0 A terrifying bandit wearing an empty Bud Light case on his head <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cbsnews.com\/stories\/2009\/05\/26\/ap\/national\/main5039309.shtml\" target=\"_blank\">robbed a convenience store<\/a> in the early hours on Monday morning.\u00c2\u00a0 The sheer diabolical competence of the supervillain was such that he was able to rob the store and get away with 9 whole packages of cigarettes.\u00c2\u00a0 Yes packages, not cartons.\u00c2\u00a0 The estimated haul is difficult to conceive but it probably adds up to almost, ALMOST 50 bucks.\u00c2\u00a0 Incredible.<\/p>\n<p>Police advise the public to be on the lookout for a man with a large, square, box shaped head with cigarette smoke billowing out from underneath.\u00c2\u00a0 Suspect is considered to be slow, dimwitted, and probably has a pronounced cough. It&#8217;s considered very likely that he will don a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2009\/05\/22\/three-wolf-moon-shirt\/\" target=\"_blank\">Three Wolf Moon<\/a> shirt to become well nigh invincible soon.<\/p>\n<p>Terrifying times.\u00c2\u00a0 Hug your children tonight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A new menace has arisen, only God knows where he will strike next (but probably at the next IHOP).\u00c2\u00a0 A terrifying bandit wearing an empty Bud Light case on his head robbed a convenience store in the early hours on &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2009\/05\/26\/mr-bud-light-head-stages-daring-daylight-robbery\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[127,40],"class_list":["post-1728","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news","category-stupidity","tag-bud-light","tag-moron"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/piGNU-rS","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1728","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1728"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1728\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1730,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1728\/revisions\/1730"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1728"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1728"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1728"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}