{"id":2422,"date":"2011-02-04T13:39:34","date_gmt":"2011-02-04T17:39:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/?p=2422"},"modified":"2011-02-04T13:39:34","modified_gmt":"2011-02-04T17:39:34","slug":"lloyds-invisible-poop-shockwave","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2011\/02\/04\/lloyds-invisible-poop-shockwave\/","title":{"rendered":"Lloyd&#8217;s Invisible Poop Shockwave"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This might shock some of you, but Lloyd poops a lot.\u00c2\u00a0 It&#8217;s hard to imagine, I know, but he does.\u00c2\u00a0 That&#8217;s not even the interesting part (and dog poop is FASCINATING to everyone, I know).\u00c2\u00a0 The interesting part is that Lloyd is deeply convinced that he can only poop in a new spot every time, to the point\u00c2\u00a0where he\u00c2\u00a0prefers to stick his head into a thornbush just to destroy a fresh patch of the landscape previously unsullied.\u00c2\u00a0 As far as he is concerned, he will continue to poop in a constantly expanding radius of devastation\u00c2\u00a0with our house at the centre, eventually covering the entire Carp River watershed with steaming St. Bernard poop.<\/p>\n<p>Kind of gross to think about.<\/p>\n<p>His plan would work too, except that Lloyd doesn&#8217;t know one thing:\u00c2\u00a0 his poop never hits the ground.\u00c2\u00a0 Unbeknownst to him (because I&#8217;m pretty sure he has never noticed) when I take him out for a poop I take a long handled scoop and hold it under his butt as he goes.\u00c2\u00a0 He poops right\u00c2\u00a0into it and is never the wiser.\u00c2\u00a0 As near as I can tell he is oblivious to the poop-knapping.\u00c2\u00a0 I dump it into a compost hole dug for this purpose alone, and we are both happy.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>The weird part is, if he&#8217;s so dumb, how does he keep track of where he has pooped if there is no evidence?\u00c2\u00a0 Even in the winter, a fresh 30 centimeters of wind-blown snow is no match for his mental map.<\/p>\n<p>What kind of marker is left when a spot has been used that is invisible to my senses?\u00c2\u00a0 Some kind of radioactive marker, or permanent GPS tag that only his brain can keep track of?<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m sure there is some kind of science at play here.\u00c2\u00a0 Any dogpoop doctorates out there who can help me to understand this?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This might shock some of you, but Lloyd poops a lot.\u00c2\u00a0 It&#8217;s hard to imagine, I know, but he does.\u00c2\u00a0 That&#8217;s not even the interesting part (and dog poop is FASCINATING to everyone, I know).\u00c2\u00a0 The interesting part is that &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2011\/02\/04\/lloyds-invisible-poop-shockwave\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[123],"tags":[302],"class_list":["post-2422","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-llife-with-lloyd","tag-kind-of-like-poop-battleship"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/piGNU-D4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2422","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2422"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2422\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2423,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2422\/revisions\/2423"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}