{"id":4086,"date":"2019-01-22T15:30:17","date_gmt":"2019-01-22T19:30:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/?p=4086"},"modified":"2019-01-22T15:30:24","modified_gmt":"2019-01-22T19:30:24","slug":"middle-ages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2019\/01\/22\/middle-ages\/","title":{"rendered":"Middle Ages"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>As I creep ever closer, or glide right past whatever middle age is (always a rather presumptuous term, really) I find that my preconceived notions are wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Allow me to explain:  for whatever reason when I was a kid, probably based on observations somewhere, I assumed that when I hit a certain age I would somehow instantly start listening to classic rock (or much more unlikely, country music) forever.  I mean that my taste in music would just get switched over to classic rock permanently, and without my input.  This has not happened yet.  I mean, I enjoy that stuff just fine, sure.  (although I do have a problem with noticeably racist asshole or otherwise socially problematic artists that younger me was either ignorant of or oblivious to. Think Ted Nugent, etc.)  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So really, that&#8217;s a positive thing.  There&#8217;s just so much good music out there, I always wondered why people didn&#8217;t listen to a broad range of stuff.  Life is just too short to stop growing and discovering there.  Overall this preconception is one that I am happy is wrong.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I also assumed I would start wearing my shirts wide open to show off my copious chest hair, framing several gold chains.  In hindsight it&#8217;s entirely possible that many of these notions were formed while watching Three&#8217;s Company as a child.  This one I have also not started to do.  Mostly due to my lack of chest hair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, there is one that I just didn&#8217;t see coming.  I mean this honestly, I absolutely had no idea this was in me.  It&#8217;s like I grew another head slowly over time and noticed it in the mirror one day.  It&#8217;s not something that younger me would be necessarily embarrassed about, but I sure wouldn&#8217;t be proud. So, I will share it with you here since I am trying to write authentic and real words here as part of my <a aria-label=\"new resolution (opens in a new tab)\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"http:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2019\/01\/10\/speed-post\/\" target=\"_blank\">new resolution<\/a> (of sorts).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Realize this is very personal, and difficult to talk about. <br><strong>It&#8217;s my biological imperative to find the groan-iest of &#8220;Dad puns&#8221; absolutely hysterical.  I mean, really funny.  I think that stuff is amazing.  It&#8217;s my jam<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have been wheezing, crying, trying to read something that is by many standards just so so bad.  I realize this, by the way.  I know deep inside that this stuff is comedy junk food.  It&#8217;s hacky, tired, refried jokes that have been around in many forms for decades in some cases.  But try as I might to reason with me, it&#8217;s just too compelling.  I LOVE THIS CRAP.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Anyway, that was cathartic.  Now that it&#8217;s out there, I can promote my newest favourite Twitter account:  <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/DadsPuns\">@DadsPuns<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-twitter wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.<br><br>I had to put my foot down.<\/p>&mdash; Bargain Hunters (@Bargains90) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Bargains90\/status\/1087457699632218112?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">January 21, 2019<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-twitter wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool.<br><br>Wooden tit.<\/p>&mdash; Bargain Hunters (@Bargains90) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Bargains90\/status\/1086937530430238721?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">January 20, 2019<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-twitter wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">I&#39;m really starting to hate these little Russian Dolls. <br><br>They&#39;re so full of themselves.<\/p>&mdash; Bargain Hunters (@Bargains90) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Bargains90\/status\/1086691118006325248?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">January 19, 2019<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s basically catnip specifically designed for me.  I love this guy\/gal whatever.  Amazing stuff, makes me laugh every damn day.  Give them a follow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And for fellow middle aged pun appreciators, you are not alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-twitter wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad. <br><br>But don\u2019t worry&#8230;<br><br>I\u2019ll return.<\/p>&mdash; Bargain Hunters (@Bargains90) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/Bargains90\/status\/1078386571483729920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">December 27, 2018<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As I creep ever closer, or glide right past whatever middle age is (always a rather presumptuous term, really) I find that my preconceived notions are wrong. Allow me to explain: for whatever reason when I was a kid, probably &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/2019\/01\/22\/middle-ages\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Middle Ages - where I absolutely admit a difficult truth about getting older.\n\ncc: @dadspuns","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[6],"tags":[469],"class_list":["post-4086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stupidity","tag-punishment"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/piGNU-13U","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4086"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4086\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4087,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4086\/revisions\/4087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vallentyne.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}