The Vallentyne Work Snarl

I do not speak for all Vallentynes.  That would be foolish, unwise, unfair, unjust and just plain old tiring.  We are a diverse bunch, as far as Scottish Canadians with a lot of red hair in the bloodlines get.  Ok, so we are probably diverse in nature more than appearance, but just follow along here today, ok?  I speak actually for a certain strain of Vallentyne, a unique flavour of Vallentyne.  The kind of Vallentyne I’m talking about today is the Vallentyne that grimaces when they work hard.

It’s probably a genetic thing, a DNA encoded quirk that some of us are lucky enough to have (I said lucky, dammit).  If you have it, you know what I am talking about; it’s there as natural as breathing, as compulsory as a closed-eye sneeze, the reflex to snarl or open and close your jaw as you work hard with your hands.

I decided to not take a selfie to demonstrate this, for obvious reasons.  It’s not pretty.  It can only be described as a silent scream in defiance of the task at hand, without which the work is just not done.  When you see a Vallentyne snarling while scrubbing, shoveling, lifting, scraping, tightening, or just generally getting all up in some job’s face, you know shit is getting real.  It’s going down.  That job doesn’t know what hit it.   It’s not a fair fight, really.  Not every job requires it, but in the right hands it’s a powerful tool.

Tonight as I contemplated writing this, I was working around the house, snarling periodically.  One thing became clear though, it’s not always an advantage.  This fact came to me as I realized that I had to exert a considerable amount of control to close my damn mouth while I scrubbed the toilet.  The added closed-mouth handicap added at least 10 minutes to that job, which made me think that Vallentyne Work Bandanas would be a thing that might be useful to a small, specific bunch of fine, mouth-breathing, hardworking folks.

Yeah, this is me.

Social Media Content Idea: Spotify Ad Reviews

Here’s a thought that I haven’t really worked all the details out on, done any research for, or looked to see if anyone has done it before:  start a review website that ONLY reviews Spotify Ads that are played for cheap people like me that don’t pay for the premium service.  Here’s a starter:

For the ad that plays advertising Spotify premium itself, there’s a guy and a girl ostensibly trying to find a song they agree on, she is sampling songs and he is giving his rapid reviews: “skip, skip, yeah I like that one”.  He later whines; “Dude just pick a song.”

In my opinion, he is a jerk.

That’s it.

Gold-plated idea, right there.  Internet, do your thing.

Folsom Pinball Prison Wizard Blues

Yeah, that title hurt my head to write, but this song hurts it more.  It’s just what it looks like:  a clown singing The Who’s Pinball Wizard to the tune of Johnny Cash’s Folsom Prison Blues.  I’m not here to judge, but you probably didn’t know you needed this in your life.  You did.  And once you hear this, like me, you won’t hear either song exactly the same way again.  It’s weird.  And that clown can sing, actually.

It’s from Puddles Pity Party, what can only be described as an eclectic YouTube channel.  But there’s something going on here, it’s kinda awesome in a weird way.

I saw this on Boing Boing too, which is no surprise by now.


Automatic Cow Scratching Brushes are a thing

So it seems that I’m not 100% up to date on the latest farm technology, which I know is shocking.  However, I think I need to invest in one of these beauties for Lloyd.  That’s a happy cow.  Like blissfully happy.  I mean, just look at this thing.  That, and an automatic feeder, and Lloyd’s entire life needs are met.

Obligatory jokes:

  • Beef tenderizer
  • Scratching your rump roast something or other
  • Pre-Whipped cream
  • Milkshakes bringing the bulls to the yard

I needed to get those out there, or I wouldn’t have slept otherwise.

This is all via Boing Boing.

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