In the news today, an important scientific discovery. This is definitely something that makes me proud to be Canadian, and even more certain that we need to give our Universities more money. In case you didn’t click the link, here’s the first line of the article.

“Biologists have linked a mysterious, underwater farting sound to bubbles coming out of a herring’s anus.”

Yep, you better believe it. (Rocket) Scientists at the University of British Columbia have spent some time on this one, kids. Other points of interest: The Herrings only fart after dark, they seem to communicate this way, and the noise apparently answers the vexing question as to how the schools of herring stay together after dark. Also, the article states with a completely deadpan tone; “It was at this point that the team named the noise Fast Repetitive Tick (FRT).” Um, yeah.

There is even a link to a wav file so you too can experience the majestic sound of a herring breaking wind in the cold dark waters of the North Sea. It gives you goosebumps, doesn’t it?

I can just imagine the nature shows picking up on this one, Crocodile Hunter style.

“Alright, here we are in the North Sea, it’s 9pm and we are stealthily approaching a large school of herring from behind in our submarine. If we are lucky these little blokes will start ripping them off like crazy and we will be in for a jolly good show. I’ve never seen such an array of fish butts in my whole life. It’s mesmerizing, watching them. Crikey! There they go! I’ve never seen anything like it, it’s like being in a jacuzzi. We’re being knocked about in our little submarine, but we should be alright. It’s truly one of nature’s wonders.”

Ok, that was a little over the top, but this is a fairly strange one, wouldn’t you agree?

Ok, so I hope I don’t start just looking for the stupidest people alive to talk about here, but here’s a story about a woman who couldn’t manage to open a 2L pop bottle without the cap hitting her in the eye and causing some permanent damage. Of course she’s not that stupid because she’s suing Coke over it.

Quote: “In the suit, Douglas claimed the company failed to warn consumers of the serious risk in ordinary handling of a pop bottle. The company failed to do its research and testing so carbonated drinks wouldn’t cause harm to its customers, said the suit.”

You know she may have a point. Those things can be dangerous.

Here’s some other lawsuits to watch for:
“I pounded the Q-Tip into my ear with a ball peen hammer and it caused me irreparable hearing loss and brain damage, despite the manufacturer’s claims that it has 30% more cotton on the tip. Give me $100 million.”
“I shredded the tip of my finger off with my food processor when I attempted to push a pea into the hopper with my bare hand. Shredded peas are an important part of my Shaolin Monk diet, give me $50 million.”

When will our environment more efficiently cull the herd? It’s only a matter of time before people become stupid enough to take themselves out in even greater numbers than ever before. Right?