Category Archives: Family News

Camp Smitty Departure

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So, yesterday we managed to send three kids off to camp for 10 whole days.  That’s the first time that’s happened, and the kids were STOKED.  Mom and Dad?  Perhaps not as much. 



 


Still we felt it was a really good thing to do for our kids, promote their independence, build their confidence, and of course the crazy amount of fun they would have.  We spent considerable time making sure we packed every item on the pack list, which will probably turn out to be overkill once we have the benefit of hindsight.  That takes a considerable amount of time, as it turns out.  And it looks like we are sending them away for a month. 



 


Anyway, the hardest part for us is they are completely, totally, AWAY.  We can’t easily call, IM, email, poke, Google, FB creep, nothing.  We can only write letters.  Letters, on a dead tree.  On a pure data throughput level, that’s like dialing up to the Internet using a piece of yarn instead of a phone line.  Honestly, how did anybody get anything done? 


So there you go, Nikki and I are dangerously alone for 10 days.  Dangerously, quietly alone.  I will let you know how it all goes….




 


 


 

Go The F#$k To Sleep

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As any parent can tell you, sometimes kids don’t exactly have the same ideas as you when it comes to sleep.  Whatever the reason for it is, and however legitimate, sometimes you just want the kids to be sleeping for your own sanity.

When I first saw this I thought it was a spoof, but it turns out to be a real book that you can actually buy.  Or better yet, you can for a limited time get the audiobook as performed by Samuel Jackson for free on Audible.com (well worth the sign-up).  To say that Samuel does a good job reading this book is an enormous understatement.  I listened to it this afternoon while at a client site (it IS only 5 minutes long, so my conscience is clear), and I had a REALLY hard time keeping quiet.  This f$%king book is hilarious, and is actually quite well written.  Samuel’s reading was perfect, and his introduction pretty much makes the rest of the book sound like he wrote the thing.

“All the kids from daycare are in dreamland. The froggie has made his last leap. Hell no you can’t go to the bathroom, you know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.”

I can’t recommend this more.  It’s absolutely priceless.  Also, it seems that this book went to #1 on Amazon on pre-sales orders based on the wide scale piracy of the PDF months before it became available.  I hope the author makes some money from this one, he deserves it.

Saw it on Boing Boing.  Thank you Boing Boing.

Et tu, XKCD?

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You ever have those days when you feel like you are really starting to get the hang of your life?  When things that bothered you before don’t seem that important, the effort and work you have put into your life up to now is really starting to pay off, and you are finally in control?  The sun is shining, the future is bright, and life is great, right?

Well, as it turns out, me neither because I was having a pretty good morning, playing with my laptops here at home, getting some actual work done, drinking coffee.  I had a minute to kill as I rebooted and thought I would check my favourite webcomic, XKCD (mentioned here many times before). 

That’s when the day took a turn for the suck.

Movie Ages, also known as "Vallentyne is an old man"
Movie Ages, also known as “Vallentyne is an old man”

 

Thanks for kicking me right in the old man crotch there.  I get it, I’m old.  Cripes.

Home Alone does feel old to me.  Terminator 2 does not, nor does The Lion King.  Well crap.  Now I’m going to have to just sit here in my old man chair and mutter about my fragile mortality.

That does it.  This kind of crap is why us old people hate young people.  Young people and their youthful relevance, their un-lined faces, un-receded gumlines and hairlines, un-tweaked spines, and un-stomped on mornings. 

Dangit, now I’ve spilled my tea all over my shawl.

Cael, the Easter Bunny, and the web of lies

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This post was meant to be written much closer to Easter, but I think you will be able to follow along anyway.

Cael is the last “believer” in the house. Quinn put the Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy down on the same day a few months ago. Cael on the other hand, despite darkly muttered hints from his brother, insists on believing, continues to believe, and seemingly will continue to believe for some time to come.

On Easter morning Cael woke up first (no real surprise there) and came into wake Nikki and I. We told him to wait for us before going downstairs as we all knew the Bunny in question had already visited and left his usual array of sugar. Nikki and I got up and ready, woke up the other two sleepyheads and went downstairs for breakfast and the main event: the Easter Egg hunt. I had filled the eggs the night before, carefully rationing the amount of gummy bears, chocolate, and peeps so there could be no fights about fairness. The eggs all have either a C, Q, or J on them to avoid any fights that way, too. So everybody knows which egg is theirs, and usually there are 10 or 12 eggs to be found with your initial on it. Quinn and Jordy like to find, and then eat. Cael on the other hand is much happier to stuff his mouth full as he goes, usually telling us what he is jamming into his yap with glee “gummy bear!”, “chocolate egg!”, “peep!” etc.

So that is why when about half of the eggs were found, I was surprised to hear Cael say loudly when he opened one of his eggs: “Hey, a toffee!”

Exhibit A - The Toffee

Nikki and I exchanged carefully blank glances at that one. She didn’t buy toffees, and I definitely hadn’t placed any toffees into any eggs. It took about a half second before the reality of the trap I had fallen into sunk in.

Cael had obviously been up for longer than we had originally thought, and had started his egg hunt a little early. Upon finding a treat, he was clearly unable to contain himself and ate it. Then, realizing his mistake, looked about for a way to fix the problem. There was the remains of an old loot bag from a birthday party nearby, which provided the toffee (which nobody likes, being the consistency of extruded plastic, you could whittle a reasonable facsimile of a Barbie toy out of one). His reasoning was sound: there was NO way that Nikki or I could POSSIBLY know what the Easter Bunny had placed into that egg. As long as there was something candy-like in there, he would be safe.

And there it is. A prison built of lies and guilt, constructed so perfectly that it is inescapable. Nikki and I are trapped, and sit helplessly, unable to break free for ruining the lie that most parents tell their kids, one that serves only the parents: There is no Easter Bunny.

As soon as Cael discovers that one, he is of course immediately in trouble. Because it will be our first day of parole from the Alcatraz we are trapped in, and it will be time to move to Grounded Town, population: Cael.

The moral of the story here? If I could do the whole parent thing over again? I would definitely do it differently. I think it’s important for new parents to know our mistake so they don’t make it, too. Learn from us, and your kids will be better for it. Just let go of the old silly ways.

Yep, if I could do it all again I would have slept on the stairs so the little bugger couldn’t get past me.

Nikki Goes Off Her Medication

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As anyone that knows Nikki well knows, she likes to laugh.  She is a good laugher.  It’s one of her most attractive qualities, really.

She does however have a slight tendency to get rather stuck sometimes.  Like in a loop.  An endless one.  There’s nothing you can do until she passes out, really.  If you haven’t been there when she has one of her turns, I took the liberty of filming a recent episode. 

Witness:

We do have a doctor’s appointment later this week to see what he can do about her medications, time will tell how it all goes.