I thought I would finally get around to writing this post, I know you kids have been waiting for it eagerly. Today I’m going to give you everything you need to know about the facts of life. You know, sex and babies and stuff. It’s a little late for me and some of you, but better late than never. Now follow along, here we go…
First we have courtship, the timeless dance of the sexes. Flirting with someone you hope to get busy with (as Nikki knows only too well) is certainly something I never really mastered. Fortunately for you, you need only look to nature to see just how to woo like Van Morrison. For example, nothing says “I think you’re special” better than a goofy honking, stomping dance followed by some serious beak fencing. Go and check it out, it’s the first video on this page. There are some other cool videos there too, be sure to watch the giant tortoises measure each other up.
According to that site, this is how these unfortunate birds (Waved Albatrosses, apparently) identify each other after a year of abstinence and absence. In fact (and here’s an amusing anecdote) this is exactly what I did for Nikki when I returned from my little jaunt in Australia. Did it work? Well, I think we all know the answer to that question.
Of course it didn’t, don’t be ridiculous.
But my next example is a sure-fire way to win your gal’s heart. The Jumping Spider is a CasaNova of the highest calibre, his musical innuendo renders the girls powerless. Check it out, be sure to turn on the sound to hear his sweet beats.
Now that’s a stupendous ode to “gettin it on” if I ever heard one. This guy has style, class, way too many legs, and musical talent to boot. So that’s really the secret, fellas. Musical talent. Too bad for me I have none, but lucky for me Nikki is tone deaf.
Finally, the natural conclusion to all of this action is of course: babies. You should have a gander at this page that shows the progression of pandas as they grow from disgusting eyeless hairy slugs with mouths to much, much cuter things, cuteness so intense it gives you an ice cream headache. I mean, just look at it.
Aww.
Awwwwwwww.
Ouch, that hurt.
So there you go folks. You are welcome, now go and get your respective freaks on, and procreate.
btw, I stole this stuff from Boing Boing, Metafilter and Neatorama.